I feel the need to educate myself

One thing I have noticed since I made the decision to carry a weapon concealed was an overwhelming urge to know what I was getting in to. I guess this is a good thing. Having such a tool with you all the time, one which literally can make a human beings life stop, requires a lot of soul searching. I just want to be able to make the right decisions, both in how to use that weapon but more importantly when to use it or not use it.

I think I was really just lucky that the very first book I read on the subject was Massad Ayoob's In the Gravest Extreme: the Role of the Firearm in Personal Protection. For those that have never read it, it is a real beginner's manual on the realities and psychology of using a weapon for defense. It doesn't tell you how to hold your pistol, how to shoot, how to "run" the weapon. What it does tell you is the responsibilities you take on, the consequences of your choices, and the likely after-math of ever having to actually use it.

Of course I have read a couple books on weapon skills, and tactics for protecting yourself. But I keep coming back to In the Gravest Extreme. I have actually read it 3 times already, and expect to read it again many more times. When my budget allows for actually taking classes, I really hope to be able to do one of the MAG series offered by the Massad Ayoob Group. These are 20, 40 or 80 hour classes taught all over the country. The 20 hour course is just the classroom piece, going over all the rules and reasons to use or not use your weapon. The 40 and 80 hour classes include range time, where the teaching team will help you become more proficient with your weapon so you are not a danger to yourself and everyone around you.

I guess that is another piece of the same puzzle. I try to educate my brain, so that I can make the right decisions. But I also go to the range, to gain some of the skill I need to be able to quickly, safely and decisively stop an attack on myself or my loved ones.

IMPORTANT POINT HERE - I carry a gun to do exactly that; to stop an attack on myself or my loved ones. I do not carry it to kill someone, to dispense justice, to punish the wicked, to protect my property or belongings or any of those other things. I only want to stop a deadly attack, with the least amount of force required and the least amount of suffering inflicted on any anyone. If something were to ever happen where I needed to use lethal force, I know I will be devastated. But if it ever comes down to this type of confrontation, I will not hesitate. I will be comforted by the knowledge that I did not make the decision someone would be getting hurt or killed today. The bad guy did that when he chose to attack. I just changed who it was that would be getting hurt. If I am really lucky, everything will resolve itself without harm or bloodshed. I will attempt to withdraw from the fight ,I will shoot as straight and true as I possibly can, I will continue to shoot until the threat is stopped, I will summon the proper authorities as soon as it is safe to shift my attention and I will render aid to anyone hurt in the battle (including the person who attacked me as long as it is safe to do so).

So, this is why I feel the need to educate myself. I am not training to be a soldier, a policeman or anything other than a concerned citizen who wants to protect the people that are important to me. If I wanted to be one of those other things, there are certainly plenty of skills and tactics classes to be had. As people in the gun microcosm say, the "fast, low drag" stuff. What I want to do is be just skillful enough to serve the purpose without endangering anyone other than my intended target, and to prepare my mind for the incomprehensible ordeal that will take place after I use my weapon.

One of the points I find most interesting in this type of learning is that any use of deadly force is not like you see on TV or in the movies. It doesn't start when you remove your weapon from your holster, and end when the cops pat you on the back and send you home afterwards. It begins the minute you make the decision to carry a weapon, and there really is no end. Hopefully you never have to use your weapon, but having it changes your life forever. And if you ever do need to use it, you can expect weeks, months or even years of legal problems, a lot of expense, and the idea that your life has changed again very significantly. Your loved ones will see you differently, your neighbors and co-workers will talk about you, people that don't even know you will judge you and probably hate you. Even if you are proven justified and blameless, you will continue to suffer. And heaven forbid if you did not do everything exactly right so that it can be judged justifiable. Because then you will be ripped away from your life and loved ones, sent to prison for probably a long time, and if you are lucky and young enough you will have to try to rebuild everything about your life when you get out.

So, it seems incredible that anyone decides to put so much at risk. Wouldn't it be much easier to remain a sheep, and count on someone else to protect you and your loved ones? Yeah, it would be easier. But it also would be shirking your responsibility to the ones you love. And all the risk that I take on by accepting this challenge is not nearly as heavy as the regret and remorse I would feel if something were to ever happen to my family.